Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women continue to be loyal to someone who is not loyal to us?

The word loyalty means a lot when it comes to relationships and friendships because the people close to us are the ones we expect to be loyal to us no matter what. We judge people off loyalty because the way someone is loyal to another person can tell you a lot about the type of person they are. People become so stuck on making sure they are always fully loyal to their friends, family members, and significant others that they sometimes can’t tell when that person is not being fully loyal to them or they are completely blind sided when finding how just how loyal as person has been. Years of friendship ruined, family members cut off, and significant others left all over lack of loyalty; it is a serious thing.

There are so many ways to show your loyalty to someone from the way you take up for them, especially when they are not around to take up for themselves, to the way you lookout for them. If you are the type of person who is loyal to those around you that you care about then I applaud you 100% but what about the times when people have not been as loyal to you? Sometimes we give people the loyalty we expect but do not realize that everybody cannot give you that same loyalty in return which can be a hard pill to swallow. Loyalty helps to build trust and any type of relationship you have will not last if there is no trust.

I am the type of person who is very loyal to the people around me who I love and care about but there have been times where I misjudged someones loyalty to me and I had to find it out the hard way. For me, being loyal is an all or nothing type of thing so if you cannot be as loyal to me and I am to you then we have no business having any type of relationship. There have been times where I was being so loyal to a person only to find out they were not giving me the same loyalty in return.

I have found myself being loyal to a guy I was in a relationship with because in my mind being in a relationship had me thinking that a guy would automatically be loyal to me; I was wrong and I could not see how wrong I was because feelings clouded my judgement. I have even been loyal to a guy that I was not in a relationship with because again it is just the type of person I am. It took more incidents then it should, in both of those situations, for me to finally realize that I was being loyal to a guy who did not deserve one ounce of loyalty from me. To this day I regret it but things happen; you learn from them, move on, and do better next time. We have to remember that it is okay to stop giving people things when we are not given the same in return; never let your loyalty make a fool of you.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women try to put a title on something before even talking to the guy we are dealing with?

Ladies, whether we do it on purpose or not, we often end up in situations that we know we could have avoided if we handled things differently. I truly believe that some of the problems we encounter and the hurt with deal with, when it comes to men, could be avoided if we asked a guy what his intentions are in the beginning. You have to go into these situations with guys knowing what you want and expect and making those things very clear. Either a guy is going to respect it and be on the same page with you or he is not and one thing is for sure, YOU CANNOT PUT A TITLE ON A SITUATION IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE WITH THE GUY YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

Sometimes we get involved with guys and determine how things will be before realizing that the guy isn’t even on the same page as us. We start to care more, do more, and expect more from a man that does not care. Don’t get me wrong, guys lead us on a lot of the time but SOMETIMES we as women also play a major part in things falling apart as well. Sleeping with a guy and “talking” to a guy DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN YOU TWO ARE EXCLUSIVE; how can you automatically assume something when no conversation has happened about where things are and where they are going. You also have to know the type of woman  you are when it comes to men because it will help you to avoid a lot of the hurt you may deal with.

I understand wanting more from these men then they are ready to give us but recognize the part you may be playing in the situation that has done you more bad then good. Once you realize it remember it and carry that with you into the next situation so you won’t make the same mistake again. Now, this is not me saying that you will deal with this when it comes to all men, this is me saying that the way things went in the last situation you dealt with should tell you that something needs to change moving forward. If you have certain expectations you are no longer willing to budge on, make that clear. If sex before a relationship is something you cannot handle, make that clear. If you are at a point where playing around and dating different men isn’t you’re thing any more, make it clear.

As a woman you have every right to make it clear what you want and expect NO MATTER WHAT but what you SHOULD NOT do is put a title on situations before even talking to the guy you’re dealing with; you are guaranteed to get your feelings hurt. If you can avoid getting your feelings hurt or ending up in situations that aren’t good for you, DO IT.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women say things we do not mean in relationships?

Ladies, just try to hear me out on this one, okay? It has become a natural and pretty much normal thing to hear guys talk about what a female really means when she says certain things. For example as a female when my man asks me “What is wrong with you” I will typically say “nothing, I’m fine” but my man knows deep down that if he just says okay and does not ask me again or try to get me to talk, it becomes a problem. How about when you are having an argument and you say to your man “leave me alone” but in reality we do not literally mean for you to leave us alone. These are just a few examples of us women saying things we don’t really mean; it is almost as if we want to test our man to see how far he would go to make sure we are okay. This is good and all, SOMETIMES, but then you have other situations where you say mean things to a guy because you’re hurt or because you’re dealing with a good guy and you don’t know how to handle it.

You play a tricky game when you say things you do not mean, you have to be careful. If your man is asking you what is wrong, tell him; he’s asking because he cares so don’t make him beg you every time. If you are in a situation and you want to tell your man to leave you alone just to see what he will do, don’t get mad if he actually leaves you alone; guys take things literally so most of the time they will not automatically think that you telling them to leave you alone, doesn’t actually mean that. With that being said, there are some times where I am all for making your man work hard to figure out what is going on especially if he is the cause of problem and knows what he did wrong; sometimes guys will “act” as if they do not know but they do.

We also have to be careful saying mean things in the heat of an argument. Ladies it should come to no surprise that our words can cut a man deep especially if it comes from a woman he truly loves; he may not show it how effected him like we as women do but it definitely does. An argument and/or disagreement should not the time where we try to hurt each other because nothing gets accomplished and feelings get hurt off of things being said that a person probably didn’t even mean. You do not want to loose someone you love from saying something that you didn’t even mean. I have seen women use their words to try to tear down a good man because lets be honest; dealing with good guys these days seems rare. If all you have ever known are lying, cheating, dishonest men why wouldn’t you expect a good to be putting on a front? Why wouldn’t you start to doubt the situation after while? Why wouldn’t you start to question things? I understand but to tear down a good guy by saying things that aren’t true can cause more harm then good so don’t push that good man away, embrace him.

From testing your man to tearing down a good guy plus any and everything that falls in between that, all results in saying things we do not mean. Things should flow pretty easily in a relationship so do not make it a permanent habit of saying things you do not mean or you may cause more problems then necessary. Also, always remember that your words hold more power then you may know.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women judge other people for the things they deal with as if we’ve never been in similar situations?

As a woman who has been in plenty of situations that I never expected to be in I always tread lightly when it comes to speaking on the things I see other people deal with. I have learned that I cannot always judge another person for what they are dealing with when I do not know their story and when I have been in the same or similar situation myself. However, seeing things like people sleeping with married men and/or trying to mess up another persons relationship on purpose is something I definitely judge BUT that is another topic for another day. Today I am simply referring to situations such as the ones we find ourselves in when it comes to our relationships.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen other women talk down about someone who continues to stay with a person that has done them wrong as if they haven’t been that woman before. People hurt people in so many ways by cheating, lying, being deceitful, mentally and physically abusive, being conniving, putting other people and things before her and the relationship, not taking her feelings into consideration, constantly running away from problems, etc. You cannot always prevent someone from hurting you so when you also have to deal with people judging you for how you deal with it makes things even worse.

I remember seeing Tammy Rivera Malphrus, who is the wife of rapper Wakaflocka, publicly dealing with her husbands infidelity in their marriage. Tammy made a decision to separate from her husband for awhile because simply put, she could not deal with the disrespect any longer; she was fed up. She did not divorce him or bash him she simply did what was best for her at the time but this did not change the fact that she was still married nor did she fully give up on her marriage. Leaving her husband had women showing her so much love and support trying to uplift and encourage her but the minute Tammy decided to work on her marriage and take her husband back things changed. I saw so many comments from women judging her, tearing her down, criticizing her, and ridiculing her as if she was wrong for working things out with her husband. Tammy married this man and vowed to stick with him through the good and the bad and a lot of women have been where she is but were quick to judge her for the decisions she made.

Ladies if you are a woman who is now in a better place in life, try not to forget where you came from and what you had to deal with and put up with to get to where you are today. Do not look down on other people because they have not reached that point in their life yet because you too use to be exactly where they are; we have to be a little more understanding. This not only applies to relationships, but also friendships, financial status, job status; you too may have struggled in these areas just like the next person. We also have to remember to not judge people when we have our own personal problems and flaws that we need to work on so the more you focus on yourself and try to uplift others the better off you will be.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women choose to be defensive and mean before choosing to tell someone how we really feel?

As a woman who is learning more and more about herself everyday, I can honestly say that I have had my fair share of situations that have caused me to put up a wall when it comes to letting people in. I have become use to being mean and defensive because I learned at a young age that nobody will protect me the way I can protect myself and really telling someone how I feel was not always an option. Unfortunately this stuck with me and now, at the age of 26, I am working on changing these things about myself but IT IS NOT EASY. The most important thing I have learned while working on this is that you can loose out on having some good people in your life if you choose to be defensive and mean instead of choosing to be honest about how you really feel.

I honestly believe that sometimes as women we are so passionate about protecting ourselves and our feelings that we forget how that can effect the people around us who honestly want to love us and be friends with us and care for us. Being passionate about this usually comes from being so hurt and damaged by people we expected to love and protect us. We have to stop letting people who hurt us make us mean and situations that almost broke us make us defensive because that hurt doesn’t last always and almost doesn’t count; you’re still here because what could have broke you didn’t ! My last relationship is when things really got worse for me as far as how I handled dealing with telling someone how I felt. I was in a relationship where I had to be defensive and I had to be mean because it was the only way to defend myself because trying to communicate how I really felt wasn’t taken seriously. It was not until the end of that relationship that I promised myself to change how I handled things because I knew that I could not continue doing things the same way.

Ladies you will be surprised how relieved you will feel when you properly communicate how you are feeling instead of choosing to be defensive and mean all the time. My friends help me to stick to this path that I am on with changing myself and now my current relationship is helping me stay on track as well because for the first time in a long time I am with someone who does not make me feel like I have to be defensive and mean. AGAIN, this is not an easy thing because I catch myself being defensive and mean when there is no need for that but I am with someone who understands the change I am trying to make so he is super patient with me. We have to make a conscious effort to change these thing about ourselves whether it is in our friendships or our relationships because loosing someone all because you chose to be defensive and mean instead of speaking up about how you feel the proper way is not a good feeling; trust me I have been there, done that, and had it happen to me. Do not be like me, be BETTER then me, and learn from me.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women tell people, who are not our true friends, our personal business?

As a woman, I cannot stress to you enough the importance of having real genuine girlfriends. Friends are important in life because they keep you grounded, lift you up, encourage you, motivate you, support you, and  most importantly keep your personal, private business to themselves. However, sometimes you come across people who seem nice and genuine and you may feel as though they are your friend but in reality they really aren’t. Sometimes these people aren’t able to be a good friend to you because no one was ever a good friend to them which results in them treating you wrong and betraying your trust.

While it is wrong for people to betray us, we also have to stop blindly trusting a person before we even truly get to know them. We also have to pay attention to the signs because sometimes a person will show you the type of friend they will be to you before you even begin trying to develop a solid friendship. There are people in this world who are use to being in toxic friendships, so hurting someone that is supposed to be their friend is normal to them. I have encountered many different situations that involved me finding out really soon and sometimes too late that someone isn’t and was never capable of being my true friend.

I learned early on to not share my personal business with someone who is not my friend because it only took me one time of being betrayed to really learn my lesson. However, recently I dealt with a situation where I was told someones personal business because they felt as though it was okay to blindly trust me before trusting someone who they were actually friends with. I met this young lady through a good friend of mine and I try to trust my friends judgement about their other friends they choose to bring around. I paid attention to how she handled things and a few months or so after meeting her I realized that she was not capable of being a good friend to me because of how she treated the girl who is our mutual friend. After a disagreement occurred, she felt the need to tell me her personal business instead of calling her friend and working through the things that were causing their friendship to now spiral out of control. Instead of taking ownership for what she did wrong, she chose to tell me things in hopes of me “taking her side”, not realizing that not only was she wrong, she was not my friend; we were still working towards a friendship.

That young ladies decision to tell her personal business to someone who was not her friend is the perfect example of blindly trusting someone before you truly get to know them. Fortunately, for her sake, I am the type of person who was raised to keep what a person tells you in confidence to yourself because that is exactly what I would want someone to do for me. Ladies, we have to be careful who we tell personal things to because honestly not everyone has your best interest at heart and not everyone you meet is at a point in life where they are able to be a good friend to you. If you ever find yourself trying to build friendship with someone just remember to give it some time, show each other that you are both capable of being good friends to each other, and allow it really develop into a true friendship.

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women believe the first thing we hear when someone is trying to tell us something about our man?

Have you ever been approached on some “Im coming to you woman to woman” or “I know something about your man” or “Your man isn’t as faithful as you think he is” ? I know I have and I know I’m not alone when I say, that when that happens, it is the worse feeling ever. It’s like your heart has dropped into your stomach and you start questioning your entire relationship right away. Sometimes you get so caught up in what you’re being told at the moment that it becomes hard to make rational and sound decisions on top of responding to what you were just told, the proper way.

I understand how hard it is to deal with situations like this but this is when it is important to know the person you are with, be aware and alert of the level of happiness that exists in your relationship at the time, and DO NOT believe the first thing you hear. If a woman feels the need to come to you about a man you sleep with, talk to everyday, see all the time then be sure to do all your research, the same way I’m sure the other girl has done hers. Is she providing you with proof? Are all of her ducks in a row? What does your gut tell you when she starts telling you things about your man? This is the time to really dig deep and find out what your intuition is trying to tell you.

Often times we as women take the first thing we are told about our man and run with it because we allow all the emotions it brought us, to cause us to make irrational decisions. We have to handle these off guard situations better then that because often times, the other woman whose brining you this information is waiting to see how you will handle it but you must remember to “never let them see you sweat”. There are three sides to a story, his side, her side, and the truth but in order to find out the truth you must remain calm, level headed, and do not make a decision until you gather all the facts. Also, do not forget to TALK TO THE PERSON YOU ARE ACTUALLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH before automatically assuming they are guilty of what they are accused of doing. Trust me when I say, that when you approach them with what you have been told you will be able to tell if it is the truth or not but whether or not you accept it, is your choice.

Let Tay Tell It