Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women take our frustrations out on our friends instead of addressing the man that is at the center of our frustrations?

Have you ever had a friend that just became mean all of a sudden after dealing with a guy or Have you ever been that mean friend? This is actually a lot more common then you think where women have so much misplaced anger which results in them treating their friends badly. As women we sometimes wear our emotions on our sleeves which result in us taking things out on the wrong person.

As a woman, dealing with the frustrations men cause us to go through is HARD and UNFAIR at times and for the life of us we cannot understand why some men bring this upon us. We go back and forth trying to understand, which causes us to bring on even more frustrations and sometimes when we go to our friends for advice or just for a listening ear it can either go very good or very bad. This happens because sometimes as women we choose to either not fully address the guy, who is the person we actually have the problem with, or we simply lash out on our friends when they tell us the truth we are not ready to hear.I have been on both sides of this; I have been the mean friend and I have been the friend who has dealt with a friend allowing a guy to frustrate her so bad it ultimately effected our friendship.

What I learned when I was the mean friend was that I allowed a frustrating situation with a guy I had known less then a year effect a friendship with someone I had known for over 5 years; thats when I realized I had to stop this. It really was a true wake up call because I almost lost a friendship that meant more to me then I realized at the time. I would lash out a lot and although my friend had a lot of patience I pushed her to a point where she could not deal with it anymore. It took a lot of apologizing and changed behavior to fix the friendship and all I can say is, I am grateful for her simply forgiving me.

What I learned when I was the friend who dealt with the mean friend who was taking her frustrations out on me instead of directly addressing the guy was that sometimes my advice is just too real for people at times. I also learned that it was on her to realize that if she did not make some changes I would no longer be able to be her friend. But all in all, the most important thing that I learned is that it is okay to step away from a friendship if it is becoming a headache. You cannot make your friend appreciate the friendship nor change her behavior, all you can do is control what you will and will not handle.

At the end of the day ladies, address the man and keep your friendship. You need your friends because when it is all said and done with that guy, your friend is the one who sticks by your side!

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women ignore all of the things we keep allowing, when these men end up hurting us?

Ladies how many times have you been told “that man only does what you ALLOW him to do”. Probably too many times to count right? I know that would be and is my answer. I have people from friends to family tell me this all the time yet I would still continue dealing with things I had no business allowing to even occur.

Please understand that I am in no way saying that these men are right for what they do to us and put us through but eventually you have to ask yourself why it continues to happen. It seems so simple especially when all you ask is for these men to do is be faithful, loyal, loving, respectful, and 100% committed. We do not get into these relationships expecting to be treated in ways no woman should be treated but it is life; its these situations that make us the women we are today. However, at some point you have to step back and look at the situation to see the part you are playing; realize the things you have been allowing.

These are times where we have to keep a constant reminder of what people have been telling us since guys were even a thought because we are so quick to blame the guy but after the 3rd, 4th, and 5th time of the same thing happening we need to start asking ourselves what are we allowing to take place that makes these men feel like they can continue doing what they are doing. Why do these men continue to hurt us is a questions that sometimes we already have the answer to and don’t even realize it.

The start of 2017 for me was the beginning of finally letting go of a situation I had been dealing with for longer then I should have. For me, cutting someone off and letting go involves taking a extreme measures from blocking on all social media to blocking phone numbers and emails to loosing all contacts with friends and family until I have reached a place of peace. This situation I was in was filled with ups and downs, tears, low self esteem, and a lot of things being allowed on my be half when I knew that I was better then that. There is no better feeling then cutting off a man you’ve allowed to have too much control over things like your feelings, emotions, and decision making. As women we try to become the type of women we say we would never be like but often times we become those women and that is because love makes you do crazy things.

So to all my ladies reading this, we have to move forward by making a conscious effort to not allow things that we shouldn’t even have to deal with in the first place. Stop allowing things from a man who would never allow it if the tables were turned, do not allow these men to have total control over your emotions; take that power back and continue working on becoming the right woman for the right man!

I would suggest reading this book which was recommended by a good friend. It is called Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst. This book is a great read that will help you to make decisions that aren’t not so heavily based off the raw emotions we sometimes deal with and can’t always control

Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women

Why do we as women allow a man to string us along?

Often times, as woman, we forget that a man who wants to truly be with you, will simply BE WITH YOU! A man won’t allow anything to stop him or hold him back once he has it set in his mind that he wants to be with only you. You won’t have to question whether or not he wants to be with you, you won’t have to ask him, you won’t have to argue about it, stress about it, and you won’t have to convince him that he should be with you and only you.

It is so easy to forget those things once we get caught up in how much we like someone. We start seeing ourselves with them and imagining how great a relationship would be with them, not even realizing that the person is showing signs of not wanting the same thing we want. I’ve been in situations with guys, who I now know, did not deserve my time, energy, and attention; I ended up staying in situations longer then I should have because I kept allowing them to string me along. I allowed guys to give me a little ounce of hope, when in all honesty, they were really only saying things to keep me around just a little longer. They did not have it in them to tell me that their intentions were not to be with me, even though they had made me feel as though things would develop into something more. 

Often times men will meet a woman and they will do all of these wonderful things to make that woman like him. A man will get so caught up in doing this, that they themselves don’t realize the damage that they will cause once that woman realizes that he does not have the same intentions as she does. Often times a man will not come right out and be honest about the fact that they have been stringing a woman along; often times they aren’t going to sit you down and tell you that they don’t want the same things you do. This is the reason why we as women have to pay attention to the signs; we have to stop staying in situations longer then we are supposed to and make sure we make ourselves fully aware of a guys intentions with us. 

I encourage every woman to be careful about who you give your time to. Allowing a man to string you along is time wasted and that is time you won’t ever get back. 

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women continue to do the same things and expect different results?

A lot of the decisions you make in life shape the way things will turn out for you. No one can ever force you to do anything and sometimes some people have to make the same mistake multiple times before they fully grasp the fact that it is time for a change. As a woman, we know when we have reached our breaking point and we know when we are fed up but no changes will be made until we reach that point on our own.

In 2013 I accomplished a lot in my life; I became a member of the best sorority in the world, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc., I graduated from college, I received a job offer a week after graduation, and I moved and started taking care of myself. While I had all of these great things going for me there was still something that I kept allowing to cause me a lot of tears, anxiety, and sleepless nights and that was a man; a situation with a man that wasn’t even putting forth effort to be in a relationship with me. Time after time I would accept apologies for things I should have never put up with and stuck around even though I knew this was not the man for me. This was a man who supported me when it was convenient, missed out on a lot of my accomplishments, and blamed me for things that were never really my fault. I even went so far as to try to be just his “friend” at one point, even though I knew that was not the answer to a situation I no longer had control of.

I will never forget the day I sat in my closet crying and praying because I was so fed up with the situation and on that day, in January 2014, I decided to stand strong and cut off all ties with someone who did not appreciate me; I decided to stop doing the same things because all I was getting was the same results, which ended up causing me to get hurt. I also decided to take my mothers advice and read a book that she mailed to me and to this day I still tell people that this book changed my life.

January 2014 LaLa Anthony released her book, The Love Play Book, which talks about how she found love and success on her own. I started reading that book February 2014 and I promised myself that I would give any of the suggestions offered in this book a fair and honest shot. One thing that LaLa offers in her book is a 60 day challenge where you spend the next 60 days not looking, thinking, or even trying to get a man. She goes further into detail about it and how it helped her, of course, but for me, coming across not only the book but the challenge its self was the start of me taking back the control I lost over my feelings and emotions.

The Love Playbook: Rules for Love, Sex, and Happiness

I would encourage every woman who has reached a point where they feel as though something has to change, a point where they are ready to take back control over things that should have never been controlled by another person, to read LaLas book! I truly hope that reading this helps someone else and if you just so happen to pick up that book, I hope it brings you to a better place in life like it did for me!

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women assume that all men are the same? How many times have you heard a woman say “all men are the same”?

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard women say “all men are the same”, which is ultimately us blaming all men for the actions of one man. It is my personal belief that women usually deal with heartbreak a lot better then men do BUT one of our flaws is putting all men into this negative category because we’ve been hurt. I too use to be guilty of this; after I experienced heartbreak for the first time I allowed it to completely change the way I view men. In my eyes all men were the same and no matter how good they seemed to be, I knew at some point they would prove to be just like the last guy; at that point I wasn’t even giving them a chance to show me better.

When you experience heartbreak for the first time it causes you to want to put your guard up and figure out ways to prevent it from ever happening again. One way we as women go about doing this is going into a situation with the next guy expecting him to either do what the last guy did or do something even worse. This is something we have to learn to STOP DOING! It is not easy but it is important and necessary to do because the more you treat every guy as if he is the same, is the more time it will take for the right man to come into your life. The first step we must take is to realize and accept the fact that heartbreak is something that is unavoidable.

Another thing that we have to do, to move to a place where we stop categorizing men as all being the same, is to take a step back and realize the type of men we go for and the type of men we allow to step into our lives. Pay attention to the type of men you attract and don’t attract, the type of men you give chances too and the ones you don’t! I would meet a guy and the same things I would allow, ignore, and overlook with the last guy, I would turn around and do the same thing with the next guy because I was either getting too caught up in how much I really liked him or thinking I could get him to eventually become serious. When I started to realize this, it started to click that its not that all guys are the same, its the fact that I keep giving the time of day to guys who weren’t on the same page as me as far as where we wanted things to go between us.

At the end of the day, we have to make a conscious effort to not categorize men as being the same. Ladies, in order to get the results you want you have to accept that heartbreak is something we can’t prevent, stop assuming all men are the same, and  focus more on paying attention to the type of men you allow to step into your life.

Let Tay Tell It

 

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women allow the words from others to affect our self esteem? Why do we as women start to question our worth and our abilities because of what someone else said about us? When will we start to realize that the things other people say do not define who we are as a woman?

This is something we as women go through too often. It is important, as a woman, to really take the time to know who you truly are. This requires some alone time and some growing pains; so it is necessary to embrace this. If you know who you are as a woman, then the words from another person should not have you doubting yourself.

Growing up, I use to get talked about all the time and I could not understand why. I was allowing the words from other people to alter my self esteem and for awhile I was very insecure. As time progressed I started becoming a woman and learning more about myself and realized that I am not what people say I am. I reached a point in life where I learned what changes I needed to make as a woman so that I could continue to be the best version of me. I worked on gaining confidence, building my self esteem, and letting go of all the insecurities that I allowed to hold me back. I have gone through a lot of personal growth and because of this there is nothing anyone can say that can strip me of the confidence I have.

Women, let me tell you, that making changes is not an easy task to achieve. It will require you to not only build your confidence but to accept the change that is needed. Do not depend on others to build that confidence you need, it is on you and do not change for others, change for yourself! Make changes because you want to continue on the path of becoming a better you. The more you change because of other people and what they say about you, the further you are from being happy. It is also important that we allow GOD to help us through these changes because they will require a certain level of patience. Once you make the right changes, it will give you what you need to stand strong in who you are as a person no matter what other people say about you.

The goal is to be better then you were yesterday right? At the end of the day we want to be happy with the type of woman we are right?

 

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women try to change a man that is simply not ready to change?

It is in a womans nature to want to change a man because often times we see his potential way before he even sees it. But when are we going to start realizing that the time we spend trying to change him is time wasted?  There are plenty of men in this world who have reached their potential and made changes to become better men, so why not give these men a chance? The answer is simple, love. Love makes you do things you would never expect yourself to do including waiting around for a man to change and see his potential. It is okay to be the woman who helps her man be a better man but that man has to be at a place in life where he’s ready to reach his potential or he’s already reached it and is continuing to do what is necessary to be the best man he can possibly be.

In life you have to be able to know what type of man you are dealing with; a man who has changed and reached his potential, a man who is trying to change and taking steps to reach his potential, a man who can’t see his potential yet so he has no plans to change right away, and a man who will never really fully change. If you think about how hard it is to change things about yourself then it will start to become a little easier to accept the fact that you cannot force someone else to change. Things that do not become easier is a relationship coming to an end after you have gave a man all of your love, time, and support because you whole heartedly believed you could change him.

You cannot change a man that does not want to change and a man will not tap into his potential until he’s ready to do so. It took me awhile to learn this and unfortunately all of my past relationships involved me focusing more on the potential instead of the actual relationship. The potential clouds your judgement and after while you start to ignore the things about yourself that need to change because that mans potential becomes your main focus. This is why it is important to take everything you do to GOD in prayer; we must ask GOD to provide us with clarity. The heart wants what the heart wants but sometimes that’s not what is best for us. Sometimes you have to walk away and if that does not motivate the man you love to change and become a better man for you then take it for what it is. Deal with the hurt by allowing GOD to heal your heart, remember the things the relationship taught you, and work on being a better woman.

At the end of the day, the goal is to be able to grow together and make each other better but how can you do that if you’re focused on trying to change a man?

Let Tay Tell It