Motivate Me Mondays: Recovering from a loss

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced” – James Baldwin

Tomorrow is not promised and too often we take for granted the day to day interactions we have with those we love the most. Loosing someone is never easy, especially when it is unexpected, which makes it even harder to accept. We start to question things in life and start to loose a grip on our faith. Kenyatta’s story about the loss of her love Lawrence and how she overcame the pain, the hurt, and the tears is more then enough proof that you can make it through ANYTHING. I was able to ask her a few questions, so check out her story below and learn more about her, Lawrence, their relationship, and how she was able to move forward with her life after loosing him unexpectedly. This is her story…….

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

My name is Kenyatta Tynes, most people know me as Yaya. I am from Virginia Beach, Va. I received a degree in business management from North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. I currently live in chapel hill North Carolina where I am an agent team member at State Farm Charlotte Weaver agency. 

Who is Lawrence and how did you 2 meet?

Lawerence was my boyfriend/best friend. We both worked at smokey bones bar and grill where he was a bartender and I was a waitress. I didn’t  pay him too much attention until after I was out of another relationship. He paid attention to all these little details about me all he time; when I changed my eye shadow or even when I brought new earrings. Our little conversations became more frequent to a point where I was developing this huge crush for him; I had it bad. I was checking my schedule, as well as his, just to see if we were both working at the same time. Eventually I asked to be a bartender because I wanted a reason to be closer to him. He was such a joy to be around and I just wanted an opportunity  to get to know him better. 

How did he change your life?

Words can’t describe how he changed my life but Lawrence was a breath of fresh air. He reminded me how important it was to live your life to the fullest and how to follow your dreams and ambitions. He helped me remember who I was was as a person, at a time when I thought I lost the Kenyatta I use to be. I remember when I use to look in the mirror and didn’t recognize who I was anymore but he brought me back to life. Our relationship was so fun, a lot of things with him were spur of the moment. We went with the wind, if we felt it then we did it, and everything else didn’t matter. Things would just fall into place as needed. Being with him was like being in the sun for the first time. He made me believe in love again. He reminded me how genuine and how effortless love really is. He was a reminder that if it’s meant to be things will fall into place as they should. 

What did he teach you ?

He taught how to love myself first which is something I struggled with. He helped me understand that I had to live for me too because if I didn’t I could lose myself in everyone and everything else. He told me how laugh through the pain. When I was down or sad that something didn’t go my way I would immediately cry and feel helpless. He was like my super man. He was always rescuing me or saving the day. He always made me feel like there are bigger issues and what I was going through was not worth the tears. He would say,”You’re to pretty to be crying” or “you crying bruh”. He always reminded me that we can always find humor in the situation somewhere so he would always tell me “laugh instead of crying because things will be alright man”.

What happened to Lawrence ?

On April 17,2014, I lost the love of my life to a motorcycle accident. He fought really hard to stay alive because Lawrence was a fighter but the injuries were so severe that he just couldn’t make it. I was waiting for him at our favorite Mexican restaurant to have dinner with him and the guys. I was watching revenge on my phone and drinking my second margarita, when his best friend came into the restaurant and told me that Lawrence had been in a motorcycle accident. For a while I thought it was just his legs; not once did I think it was fatal. The long wait in the hospital ended with the doctor coming into the room where we were waiting to tell us how they did everything they could to save my baby but there was nothing more they could do.  In that moment, I lost my soul. I fell to the ground in shock that the person, I just knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with, was gone. He was my light; he turned my whole world around and in that moment I fell into a dark place. I felt weak and helpless. I was just praying that it was a dream. All is wanted to do was hold him and tell him I loved him one more time. As I looked at the clear plastic bag with his belongings, empty shoes, bloody wallet, and smashed up helmet, was this all I had left. I felt empty. 

What helped you to heal after the loss of Lawrence ?

It was really hard for me to heal. As I mentioned before, I was in a really dark place. It felt like my life was spinning out of control and I didn’t know how to get a grip on things. 

What really helped was my faith in God and my support system. My friends,family, and line sisters were with me every step of the way. Everyday was hard. Holidays were hard. I cried everyday all the time. I cried until I had no more tears to cry. Everything reminded me of him. I even drove past his house just to see if he was home even though I know he was gone. It was hard for me to accept life without him. Greensboro wasn’t the same. I had one more month left before graduation and I was so low that finishing my degree didn’t matter anymore but thank god for friends and family. My friends prayed with me, cried with me, and held me when I needed someone to hold me. They would take me out to get some fresh air and went with me to visit his grave when I was too weak to go alone. I remember that I had to lean on God as well. I may not understand it but it was his will and that everything that happens in this life happens for a reason. Everything we experience and everything we go through had a purpose. It forced me to give my all to him in order to heal. I started praying more and going to church more. It took a year in a half to be okay. 

What keeps you going ? How are you able to remain positive ?

I remember him in everything I do and I think about all the good times we shared. I always smile when I think about the things he use to say to make me laugh or smile. When I’m having a bad day, I can think if a joke he would tell me which helps me to remain positive because I know he is with me everyday. The body has always been a temporary vessel but the spirit lives. Learning to accept the situation also helped me to keep going. The moment I learned to accept it and appreciate his life and all he has done for me is when I really healed and really moved forward with my life. I had to remember what Lawrence would have wanted for me and I know he wouldn’t want me to cry or stop living. He would want me move forward and accomplish all that was intended for me. So when I feel like giving up, I think of him and I look to the sky and say I can make it. 

What did you learn from this? How did it help you grow?

I really really learned and understood that everything happens for a reason; we can not question the plan god has for us. Even though we don’t understand it now, it all works out to benefit us in the end. I also learned that life is short and that it is important to cherish the people in your life because tomorrow is not promised or even the next hour. I had spoke to Lawrence all day that day and it never occurred to me that we wouldn’t have that night or our dinner together as we normally did every night. I learned that I had to live and continue to grow in the way that Lawrence would have wanted  me to do because he always wanted me to happy. In all that I do I remember that if you aren’t happy then your aren’t living and if you’re not living then what is the point of all this?  We have to keep God first and trust him in all that we do. That was the hardest thing I took away from this was trusting God and having faith in his plan. And because I try to live my life that way it has helped me continue to grow and follow my dreams regardless of the circumstances and if the going gets tough I learned to fight though the pain and keep pushing because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

What advice do you have for someone who may be dealing with a situation like this?

The best advice I can give someone is to have faith and pray and trust in the plan that God has for your life. All things work for the good of those that love and trust the Lord and even tho it may not seem like it, your situation is working its self out. The worse thing you can do is get stuck in a dark place so be sure to never let your situation steal your joy. I remember when I was so broken I couldn’t even bring myself to shower or eat and it caused me more pain then good. Let people in and embrace your support system. If it was not for my friends I wouldn’t be where I am today. My friends, my family, and my faith in God is what brought me out of the darkness and into the light. It is when we are at our lowest point that god wants us to reach  out to him the most. I realized that it is those times God allows you to fall into a darkness because he wants your attention and when you finally give it all to him, you will really find your self stepping out the storm. 

Let Tay Tell It