Meet Chic In Sneaks

RESPECT! That is what women deserve in the sneaker community so my goal is for you to meet some of these women via my blog so you can get an understanding on how they feel. There are 3 major questions that come to mind for this topic:

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

Who else is better to learn from then the women within the community? Today we will hear from Kiara, also known as chicinsneaks on IG. Kiara is a woman who not only has genuine love for sneakers but also has a way of telling a story; her story telling captures you and keeps you coming back for more owith each series she drops. Check out what she has to say when it comes to Respect Female Sneakerheads

@chicinsneaks

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Personally, it means we deserve seats at allllll of the tables. Content wise, board room, design and storytelling. Respect our ideas, our sneaker closets and us as women in general. Afford women the same opportunities to enhance the brands that we patronize so heavily. We shouldn’t have to prove why we deserve space here.

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

I pull inspiration from so many women, but the ones that are top of mind are Kimmiski @kimmiskiart, Passion @_artdealher, Mo @mobumbbbaaa, Janyne @sneakervibesonly, Ny @solelyaboutnyyyy, Lee @iknowlee, Kia @thenotoriouskia.

There are so many talented ass women in this space that offer more than a good outfit. Don’t get me wrong, we love a good lewk..but I also appreciate how these women appear to incorporate their authentic selves into their content. This space is filled with women that empower each other, use their gifts and serve as inspiration to others along the way. I love to see it and I’m glad I’m gang!

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

As a creative, we are multifaceted and all have so many different interests. Don’t put us in a box or have a limited expectation about what we bring to this space. Every woman is unique in her choice of expression, style and content. Being a Black woman, we know this culture would not exist without us. Appreciate the flavors we serve on a regular!

@chicinsneaks

Be sure to give Kiara a follow on IG: https://instagram.com/chicinsneaks?utm_medium=copy_link

Meet Monika

RESPECT! That is what women deserve in the sneaker community so my goal is for you to meet some of these women via my blog so you can get an understanding on how they feel. There are 3 major questions that come to mind for this topic:

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

Who else is better to learn from then the women within the community? Today we will hear from Monika, a woman who not only has an amazing sneaker collection but also a nice vinyl collection; she provides her followers with a lot of history on old school music artists

@Monika.wav

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Women are passionate about the sneakers just like men and we should be given props and well deserved respect. Always give encouragement to a person, no matter where the person comes from, what’s their life situation, their profession or financial status. Everyone deserves to be a part of this community if true passion and love are shown. Everyone has their own pace and they shouldn’t compare to others.

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

It’s easier to name five women than just one. I’ve met so many inspiriting women in this space. They made me feel welcome. I have a sense of belonging. Each woman is unique and different. They are being authentic in representing their spirits, life stories and giving support to others as well. One of them is Kiah @simplykiah with her SNKR facts. Giving us knowledge while showing off her awesome sneaker collection. I love Kiara @chicinsneaks and her sneaker content. She has an amazing storytelling ability. Kai Nicole is very passionate about sneakers and her brand @sneakermess. She’s a host of Sneaker chat. I love that she includes others from the community in her IG lives. Janyne @sneakervibesonly is an amazing woman. She’s a host of Good for the Sole Convos on IG. She always shines a light on the importance of mental health. When mentioning advocates for mental health, I have to mention Key @key2ursole She’s a phenomenal collector. I love the versatility in her collection and how she’s not afraid to be her true self.

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

I would change the treatment female sneakerheads get from men who just hopped on the sneaker trend. All they care about is getting the latest heat. They get surprised when you show the knowledge they didn’t know existed.

@Monika.wav

Be sure to give her a follow on IG: Monika.wav

Meet Founder and Creator of If_I_Cant_Wear_Snkrs

RESPECT! That is what women deserve in the sneaker community so my goal is for you to meet some of these women via my blog so you can get an understanding on how they feel. There are 3 major questions that come to mind for this topic:

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

Who else is better to learn from then the women within the community? Today we will hear from Christina, creator and founder of If_I_Cant_Wear_Snkrs. Christina is a woman who makes every effort to provide women with a safe space within the sneaker community and her social media is also dedicated to giving women information on many different sneaker releases.

@if_i_cant_wear_snkrs

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

To respect all women within the sneaker community regardless of age, race, religion, sexual orientation, body type, and experience. Respect shouldn’t be something that has to be earned, it should be a given.

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

Unfortunately I can’t just choose one woman, I have to choose two. The women of CNK Daily, Cassidy and Channing, are such an inspiration to me. From the platform they’ve built, their business moves, to the knowledge they provide, their interviews, to how they welcome any and every woman within the sneaker community with open arms is so refreshing to see. They navigate thru the sneaker community with such class and thoughtfulness. Always uplifting other women (especially women of color). I remember when Channing reached out to me with a simple “So proud of what you’re doing” during a time where I wanted to throw in the towel and it meant the world to me. I remember when Cassidy recommended some books to me about mediation as well. Kind gestures like that are few and far between.

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

If it’s one thing that I could change about the sneaker community is the competitiveness. Especially among other women within the community. This community is big enough for everyone and we can all win when our time comes. In the meantime continue to support and amplify other women and I guarantee you will get it back in return.

Be sure to give her page a follow: @if_i_cant_wear_snkrs

If you are interested in following a page that provides a safe space and sneaker drop information, then this is most definitely one of the best pages on IG for the ladies who love sneakers!

Meet SneakerFreakSyd

RESPECT! That is what women deserve in the sneaker community so my goal is for you to meet some of these women via my blog so you can get an understanding on how they feel. There are 3 major questions that come to mind for this topic:

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

Who is one woman in the sneaker community you look up to and why?

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and/or perceived in the sneaker community, what would it be?

Who else is better to learn from then the women within the community? Today we will hear from SneakerFreakSyd, a woman who is not only making her mark in the sneaker community but also a social/digital media genius!

@sneakerfreaksyd

What does respect female sneakerheads mean to you?

To me, it’s a mantra of awareness that women also have a strong foundation and have built supportive communities in a male dominant space. It’s three simple words that shed light on all the amazing women who continue to have a voice through creativity and style in the sneaker industry.

Who is one woman in the Sneaker Community you look up to and why?

There are honestly so many, whether it’s because of their creativity, their platform or just showing their authentic selves through the connection of sneakers. But if I had to pick just one I would say Christina from @if_i_cant_wear_snkrs. The platform she’s created to not only connect women but keep them informed without a team and without being paid is just a true testament and example of the force women are in the sneaker culture.

If you could change one thing about how women are treated and perceived in the sneaker community what would it be?

One thing that I would change is that we always have to have “a hint of girly girl” in our style or our preference of sneakers down to color ways and silhouettes. There’s so much diversity in the who, what, when, where, why and how we are connected to this space. It’s a lot more than us just being girls in cute shoes.

Be sure to give her a follow on IG: SneakerFreakSyd

If you’re interested in growing your brand and presence on social media follow her business page, Digital319

Why do we as women continue to be friends with women who constantly judge us for simply being ourselves

Often times we stay in friendships God has been trying to pull us out of for so long. Holding on is always worse then letting go but I know how hard letting go can be because I’ve been there. You hope that the people you call friends will love you, respect you, treat you how you treat them, and simply be there for you but sometimes that isn’t always the case. In situations like this it’s best to trust God or else you’ll deal with more then God intends for you to deal with.

Often times it can be confusing especially if you’re someone like me who really takes friendships seriously. I don’t use the word friend loosely and I would do anything for my friends so when it isn’t reciprocated I take it hard.

One thing that I know I can count on are the friends I do have that show me love no matter what. I have friends who support me and correct me with love, friends who have taken the time to get to know me for me and love me for me and I’m truly appreciative of every single one of them.

Any friend I’ve lost, it’s never any hard feelings because I’ve become the type of woman who can walk away from things and people with my head held high. I know who I am and whose I am and I know what type of friend I am.

Never allow anyone to make you feel bad for being who you are! ❤️

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women put our mental and emotional health in jeopardy to fix something only God can fix?

Being a woman is already hard enough, we do a lot of things in life on our own because lets be honest, if we do not do it who will? We cook, clean, give birth to children knowing the risks and knowing the pain we will endure on a physical and mental level, we raise them and do most of the heavy lifting, we fight against what society tries to put on us, we fight to be treated equal not only in the work place but in life in general; all while trying to find time to practice self care. On top of all of that, you then add a woman’s natural reaction to fix things. Our maturity and our ability to see things others cannot see puts us in a space, where often times, we forget to stop trying to fix it and let God fix what we are trying to fix. We become so stressed out and emotionally off balance that we don’t even realize that God is trying to simply get our attention.

Don’t get me wrong, fixing things isn’t always a bad thing but when God is showing you that he wants you to stop and give it all to him; do just that. You cannot make anyone do right by you, you cannot change anyone’s mind or heart, you cannot force someone to see your worth, you cannot change your situation, and you cannot change that outcome of anything. People will project their issues on to you, treat you bad, dismiss you, take you for granted, walk all over you, gaslight you, and use you. Most days you will feel like the world is on your shoulders and you will feel like nobody seems to understand what you are going through, you will be tired and exhausted, which is why it is important to step back and let God work it out. The more we try to fix things on our own timeline the more God will push his timeline back. God has the solution but he cannot work it out until we are completely hands off.

So, hear me out sis! That problem that has you stressed, that problem that is causing you anxiety and sleepless nights, that problem that seems to be beyond repair, are all problems too big for you to take on. But guess what? There is no problem to big or too small for God; he knows all and sees all so let him do the heavy lifting while you sit back, live life, study Gods word, and be ready to receive those blessings he has waiting for you. God wants to give you your hearts desires but you have to be ready to receive it.

Women’s History Month: Supa

In honor of Women’s History Month I want to give props to women who are opening doors and showing the world that women can do anything, LITERALLY!

Today I would like to recognize Raynell Steward, also known as Supa. She is a mom, a fiancé soon to be wife, a boss, a friend, a sister, winner of the Social Hustle Award from BET, and most importantly a woman who shares her knowledge freely with the world! If you don’t know about her then you’ve been living under a rock. This beautiful boss lady is the CEO of The Crayon Case and just last year, on cyber Monday she made $1 million dollars selling her products. Just recently Supa broke her own record with her Taxmas sell making $1.37 million in less then 2 hours.

Supa has touched a lot of people, she builds relationships with her fans, she’s extremely humble, and she continues to break barriers and open doors all while being who she is and staying true to herself! Let’s take the time to recognize Supa for all she has done and don’t forget to head over to The Crayon Case and grab some makeup, I have most of her products and I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Motivate Me Mondays: Doing what you are passionate about

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. – Nelson Mandela
I am always so inspired by those who truly tap into their passions in life. We live in a world where people feel as though their passion has to take a back seat to the things people expect of us. I truly believe it is important to be happy in life and to be happy you must do things you are truly passionate about. Never allow anyone to make you feel as though your passion is not good enough because we all know it takes a lot of courage to do what we love. Jenell is the perfect example of someone who has never been afraid to do what makes her happy and recently she started a business to fulfill her passion in life. I was able to ask her a few questions and I hope that her answers will help someone who may be having a hard time with following through with what they are passionate about, here is her story:

1. Who is Jenell? Tell a little bit about yourself
Jenell McMillon, 26, Event Planner and Entrepreneur. I was born, raised and currently reside in New Jersey. New Jersey is home but I decided to take a huge leap of faith in 2009 by attending thee Illustrious North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University in Greensboro, NC. Being 8 hours away from home, I had to learn to rely on myself to get things done. I’ve always had that independent mentality but there is a difference between being independent in your hometown versus a new state with no friends or family at the age of 17. Although it was difficult, the transition was needed and taught me things about myself that I would have never learned. I am a passionate, ambitious, self motivated and creative young black woman. God continues to be at the forefront of my life and I give him all the credit as I walk in the path that he has laid out for me. 
FullSizeRender-5
2. When did you start your business ?
I launched my business on April 30, 2017 at 7:30pm EST.
3. What was the motivation behind starting your business ?
My sister and I decided to do a watch series for New Edition at our house in January for young adults (ages 25-35) from our church. As people were coming in, I was applying for jobs. I have a tendency of reading out loud before sending things over and one lady (Cortney) decided to ask more about my event planning since she overheard my experience.
Side note: I always seen Cortney in church but never spoke to her until this one day. 

I advised her that I have been planning events for 6 years. Starting with my sorority (DST) to BET Networks to my current place of employment, the list goes on. She was so impress and asked if I was interested in wedding planning. I told her that I’ve shadowed a wedding planner but never coordinated a wedding even though it is a future interest. She immediately asked why I was waiting and that I could use her wedding as my first wedding. As you can tell, the conversation moved so quick but I knew this was nothing but God pushing me towards my dreams of starting my own company. I told her yes and the start of JNicole Events begun. 

I will forever be thankful for Cortney and Amir. Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, thank you for putting your trust and faith in me to execute my first wedding for your special day!
IMG_2358
 
4. What obstacles and/or set backs have you had to overcome ?
As an event planner, we have to find ways to stand out amongst the rest especially in an area like the Tri-State. Competition is real. I became worried that I wouldn’t receive a lot of interest from prospective clients due to my location in South Jersey. Some may say that we are a state of our own. However, I have learned to use that to my advantage because people will need events no matter where you are. Word of mouth will always be the number one marketing tactic and this tactic has continued to be an asset for my company.
5. What keeps you motivated ?
This may sound cliché but it’s the smiles and satisfaction of my clients that keep me motivated. I love knowing that every detail they could have ever imagined was executed flawlessly.
IMG_3269
6. How much has it grown since you started?
Whooh! I am almost 3 months in and I currently have 10 booked events until the new year in New Jersey, DC and Atlanta. Oh, we are growing!
7. As you continue to expand, where would you like to see things going in the next 2-3 years?
I would love to see my company become my full time job within the next 3 years while continuing to provide my services beyond the Tri-State area.
8. What are 2-3 goals you would like to accomplish to help with expanding your business ?
  1. Obtaining my MBA in entrepreneurship
  2. Receiving my event certification
9. What advice do you have for young women like yourself?
Never be afraid to start your own! Continue to use your strengths to help others and you will always find your passion.
FullSizeRender-9
10. What sets your apart from other event planning companies ? What makes you unique?
This was my main question that I asked myself before starting JNicole Events. I’ve always noticed that when people “make it” they are hesitant on talking about the day to day struggles it took to get to where they are currently at in their career. I decided to use my love for writing and photography into my company. Before the launch, I’d blogged daily to let my readers especially my young black readers understand that we all had to start from somewhere and here’s how it begun for me. I continue to write about the daily triumphs and challenges as I proceed to turn my dream into reality. I’ve used my love for photography and videography on my website/social media to increase all levels of creativity. I’ve been able to turn my 3 passions (event planning, writing and photography) into one with JNicole Events in hopes that people will use my story and company as motivation for starting their own business. 
11. If you could tell anyone who is trying to start a business one important thing, what would it be?
Trust your instinct!
FullSizeRender-8
12. Where can people go to find out more about JNicole Events?
Please check me out at www.eventsbyjnicole.com
I am also on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter: @JNicoleEvents
Let Tay Tell It

Motivate Me Monday: A true love story

“True love doesn’t happen right away; it’s an ever-growing process. It develops after you’ve gone through many ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, laughed together.” – Ricardo Montalban

Love stories are by far one of my favorite things to share with the world. We live in a society where people do not view love the same way they use to back in the day. Often times people play with love or they simply do not believe in it anymore. There are people in this world who still believe in that true genuine love story and keeping the faith in GOD can get you to that point. In today’s world we want everything to happen so quickly with out realizing that certain things take time and they take real effort. Sasha Campbell has a very beautiful love story that she allowed me to share, here is her story:


1. Who is Sasha Campbell? Tell me more about yourself and your husband

Sasha Campbell, 27, Chemist/ Product Developer I
My husband’s name is John Campbell. We are two years apart in age. We come from 2 totally difference backgrounds, were raised differently and even act completely differently. But somehow, it works out because we balance one another. He is the calm and mellow one. I am the one to pop off with a quickness and then fuss at him for not popping off. But it always works out because he is always there to calm me. He has a lot of patience, which is something that I needed in a husband because I am not. It is crazy how we are complete opposites but we balance one another.

Sasha 1

2. How did you meet your husband?

John and I met at North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. He was a senior and I was a sophomore at the time. I would always see him in the café around 5pm and I found myself glancing around when I was there to see if I would see him. He was the first guy to ever make me nervous so I never went to him to speak. This is not like me because I am often outspoken without a filter. But John just presented himself like HE KNEW HE WAS IT… like he was THE MAN. From the way he was always fresh with a clean cut, from the way he would always wear his Polo hat turned to the back all cool and whatnot, from the way his shoulders used to sway back and forth as he walked. His walk used to scream “Yeah you are lucky if YOU get my number. And if you do, I will THINK about picking up. I may be too busy chilling.” And I was not the only one who thought this apparently. John still thinks til this day that there is nothing wrong with how he walks and he doesn’t understand why “girls” think he is full of himself. And in reality, he isn’t… he just presents himself that way. So anyways, I had joined a local party promoting company (one of the worst decisions in my undergraduate career, just to put out there) and I was basically over the street team that promoted the company’s parties. One day I was recruiting people in the cafeteria and I pointed out John and his friend to a young lady who was helping me recruit. I remember saying “I would ask them but they are seniors… and they look so stuck up. I always thought the one with the hat was cute though.” The young lady found this comical and she went over to recruit them. To my surprise, John agreed to join. So she called me over to explain how the company worked. I later found out that John used the company just to get to know me and he never had a single interest in promoting the parties. Apparently, he had told his friend who was sitting with him (Preston, who was also the best man in our wedding) that he was going to talk to me before he graduated. Preston responded, “Man John Willie… no you not.” And John said, “Yeah I am man. I am going to talk to her before I leave here.”

Sasha and John 6

3. Give me one key story about your relationship that let you know that you two were made for each other?

God has always made it very clear that we were meant to be together. After all, our relationship all started off of a prayer. When I first officially met John in the café that day, I was actually holding on to a DEAD relationship. So we didn’t start talking right away. Me and my current boyfriend were actually on a break but I wanted to make sure that I was completely done with him before I entertained anyone else. So when John asked my relationship status, I told him that I was in a relationship. I never explained that I was on a break and just wanted to see if I was done with my current boyfriend because I did not want any distractions. I will say we met around October 2009 and I actually called off my relationship Christmas that same year. John and I had kept in contact but I never really made a move. John had actually gotten out of a long term relationship himself but wanted to find a serious relationship once again. One night, he told God that he was “ready to settle down” and it was so strange, the next day I asked him if he wanted to hang for the first time ever. John knew deep down that I was the one for him and it was a sign.
Fast forward, we start dating. We get our first apartment together and begin living together. We were both still in college… and still very much broke trying to make ends meet. I will be the first to say that I am not the easiest to live with. Everything has to be a certain way; I do not like messes or germs. Blame it on my bio degree. But one day, we had gotten into an argument… I cannot even remember what it was about. And that was the thing about John and I. We never had any REAL problems. The things we would argue about were always so small. The real big issues, you would think would cause an argument, never did. We always worked out the big issues with ease. Anywho, we had gotten into an argument about something silly and I left the house to head to work. At the time I was driving a Hyundai Sonata that would PURR. You couldn’t even tell when the car was on because it drove so quiet. As I was backing out of my park, the car made a loud SCRUUUUUUUUURRRREEEEEEECK!!! noise. John came flying out of the apartment. He thought I had gotten in a car wreck. We weren’t sure where the noise originated from so John said he wanted to drive me to work. He did not feel safe with me driving on my own. Later that night, John was running late to pick me up from work. I was still pissed from earlier so this did not help. So I called him. John told me that on his way to come pick me up… his transmission completely went out. He had no previous signs that this would happen and was very shocked and frustrated.
So here we were. Two broke college kids, stuck at the house looking at one another because both of our rides are out of commission. Now we look stupid because we have to figure out how in the world are we going to fix TWO cars. We found out that there was something wrong with my timing belt, which was expensive because my car had a V6 engine. And he needed a new transmission. But somehow, we made it work. John conveniently waited until after our cars were fixed to say, “Yeah… you probably have no idea but this was all my fault.” I replied, “What do you mean?” He says,”Well , remember that day we got into that argument and you were getting ready for work. I always knew that we were meant to be together… but for some reason, I asked God for confirmation. That is why we both got stuck at the house. What are the odds that your timing belt goes out and my transmission goes out the same day? Especially when both cars were perfectly fine before my prayer. God made it so that we were both stuck at the house and we had to work together to get through this. This was my sign.” I wasn’t sure at the time to be pissed that he had cost us so much money or touched that he cared so much about our relationship. All I could say was “Man you better be more specific in prayer. What in the world!”

Sasha and John 2

4. What is special about your relationship and what makes your love story unique?

I never knew love at first sight ever existed. But John and I have both agreed that it does. Little did I know, those days where I would glance around to see if he was in the café, John says he would intentionally try to come to the café every day at the same time in hopes of seeing me. While I thought he was unapproachable… he was actually going out of his way just to see me… just to make eye contact for a brief second. There aren’t many love stories that are “love at first sight”. In fact, many people do not believe in it. And I will be the first to say, our love story is SO DAG GONE CHEESY… but I have loved every moment of these 7 years together.

John was raised in a strictly religious household. Religion was kind of something that my parents let me discover on my own. My step mother is Jewish and up until a year before he passed, my father did not claim a religion. Thankfully, he gave his life to the Lord a year before he passed.

5. What type of role has GOD played in your relationship?

As mentioned above, God has always been present in our relationship. And what has amazed me is how we will get an answer about something so much faster vs when I pray on something just by myself. It is almost as if, when my husband and I are on one accord and we pray on something… we get an answer so fast and clear. I tear up thinking about how blessed we are at times because God has really guided our relationship. Yeah, we both have degrees, we are home owners, we have good credit… but our biggest asset is our relationship with God. I know it was God who has carried the both of us through our hardships, individually and together.

Sasha and John 3

6. What are 3 key things that are important in a relationship?

I always say that you and your partner should not only grow emotionally and mentally… but spiritually as well. I was independent at an early age. Asking for help has always been a hard thing for me to do, even when it comes to asking God for help. Every time a difficult situation arises in my life, the first thing my husband will ask is “Well Sasha, have you prayed about it.” Let me tell y’all… there is NOTHING like an obedient and praying husband.

Sasha and John 5

7.What encouraging words of advice would you give someone who feels like love is just not possible?

The biggest problem I see in our generation with relationships is that people do not like to commit. We let our egos get in the way of ever loving someone. And for those who do let their guard down, they do it with the wrong people. We have to do a better job with learning WHO is worth an investment and who is not. You have people (such as myself previously) holding on to dead relationships and it does nothing but block you from a potential blessing. For all you know, you can be wasting your time with Mr. Wrong and your Mr. Right might get snatched up by another chic because you are too busy trying to make something work with someone who was not sent for you by God. I ALMOST passed up on my blessing with John because when I was finally single… I did not want to be in a relationship. When God sent John my way, I actually questioned it. I told the Lord I was not ready for a relationship and why did He have to send him now?! But look at it all now, John is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. Learn who to invest in… and don’t be so quick to let them go over small things. Find someone with potential. A lot of people pass by others because they aren’t where they want them to be in life. When John and I met one another, we were both broke and I had a lot of pain built up inside. But John worked through that. IT WAS NOT EASY. I was angry at the world for a long time. But he felt that I was worth it. And he did not give up on me. Find someone who loves you for who you are and wants to GROW with you. Find someone you can build with. Find someone who won’t let go even when you are ready to give up. I would not be the woman I am today if it was not for him. And THAT’S what you want in a man.

 

Let Tay Tell It

Motivate Me Mondays: Overcoming betrayal

“For me, I always wonder what’s worse: an emotional betrayal or a physical betrayal? That’s a really tough call.” – Hilarie Burton
Often times in life we always hear people say to be careful how you treat other people because you never know what other people have been through. Adriane Lanier decided to share her story of how she overcome certain betrayals in life that no one should ever have to deal with. Her story shows her strength as a woman and just as a human being because sometimes it is not easy to overcome the things we endure in life, here is her story:

Who is Adriane Lanier?
I am JMU double Duke (BBA/MBA) currently living in the DMV working as a Cybersecurity professional. I was born in California and raised in Virginia Beach by two amazing Georgia bred people.
2
Do you mind sharing about the 3 different incidents you have dealt with throughout the course of your life?
My body has been disrespected in every since of the word. I have been sexually assaulted, molested, and raped by people I once held near and dear to me and strangers. The worst of them all [physically] was when I was setup by a coworker and attacked by 6 grown men. I had unspeakable things done to me and was not sure I would even make it out of there.
How did you handle dealing with all of this?
A lot of days I was literally just going through the motions of life. I felt numb for quite some time. I have had depression, severe ptsd and at one point I was even suicidal (it clearly didn’t work lol). For years I smiled and joked my way through the pain. I kept busy so I wouldn’t have to be alone in my misery and think about it until it became routine and my smiles became genuine again.
Is it possible to take back your life after something like this happens ?
It is definitely possible to regain control over your life, but a strong support system is imperative. Had it not been for my friends and sorors I would have never gotten help. It took YEARS of therapy. I have occasional flashbacks and nightmares, but its nowhere near what it used to be. There are still certain things that can trigger those feelings of fear and discomfort and I don’t think they will ever go away so I do my best to avoid them. My support system was there for me every step of the way to recovery. Discovering I had severe PTSD, facing reality of how damaged I really am, lifting me up when boys would leave me because they couldn’t handle my baggage, praying for me harder than I could pray for myself, uplifting me any time they felt like I was down, keeping me honest and always showering me with positive vibes and unconditional love.
How were you able to gain the courage to now be able to share your story with other people?
My support system has encouraged me to do it for years. I didn’t think my story would impact others, but the more I began to open up to other people I knew, the more I realized that my story can positively impact someone else who is fighting battles nobody knows about. I went from feeling embarrassed about it all to realizing that it was not my fault and I did nothing to deserve any of what happened to me. I got the courage to tell my story because I want women to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel more than I cared to bury this painful chapter of my past.
1
At this very moment, if you had to choose one person to recognize that has helped you get past what you’ve been through who would that person be ?
Oh man…I can’t just choose one person because there were phases to the recovery and many obstacles. I have one best friend who was there from the very beginning up until my self declared freedom, Crystal Cole. I have friends I have grown apart from, but will always respect how they were there for me when things were at their worst (Aaron Campbell, Charlie Celesia, Kitara McMoore). However, I have met so many amazing people along the way that have helped me so much in so many ways that I could never tell my story and not think of them. When I say I have been blessed with a strong support system, I honestly don’t know what I did in life to deserve such amazing friends but I thank God for them daily (my JMU family – Its like 10 extra people lol).
What keeps you motivated ?
My desire to succeed and leave the world a better place than I found it.
How would you define success?
Success is whatever you want it to be. As long as it involves feelings of genuine happiness in most, if not all, aspects of life, I would call it success.
What is one thing you have accomplished in life so far that you are most proud of?
Learning the power of forgiveness and conflict resolution. For those who know my history and know how rowdy and unforgiving I once was, this was HUGE for me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. When you carry hate or resentment for long periods of time it can affect your personal and professional growth. Learning to forgive makes handling conflict (personal and professional) much easier.
Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
In the next 5 years I plan to be a business owner leaving my mark on the Cybersecurity industry while spreading STEM awareness and love to the next generation so they can, too, leave the world a better place than they found it.
What are some things that you have achieved that make you proud ?
I am proud of my career accomplishments, but I am more proud of my personal growth. I never imagined I would have so many amazing opportunities and be where I am in my career at age 29. I also never thought I would be where I am today. I have found myself, I have found my inner peace (and plan to hold onto it with every ounce of my being), I have found self awareness, my smiles are genuine and my happiness is sincere. THAT is what I am most proud of.
What advice can you provide to those who have been raped, molested, and/or attacked?  
It is okay for you to tell your story and work towards reaching inner peace and stability, whatever that means to you. While you cannot undo what has happened, you CAN take back your life.There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just know you are not alone and there are plenty of people who love you and want you to know that your life is worth living.
Let Tay Tell It