Why Do We As Women?

Today’s post is a little different. Today, for Why Do We As Women Wednesdays, I am featuring a guest post from Tiffany Carson. She has a very interesting and eye opening take on her topic of “Why do we as women desire to meet a man that treats us like our mother?“. Check it out:

Why do we as women desire to meet a man that treats us like our mother?

Growing up in a generation where if a man was/is present, he was/is a workaholic, silent or unmoved and a hard communicator. Growing up in a dynamic of an emotionally absent father or male figure made us as women naturally associate what love looked like from our mother. In her eyes, we could do no wrong, and if we did, we knew her correction was out of love. Mothers have a way of knowing our needs and how to handle our emotions effortlessly. Whether she needs to be a listening ear, make a pop-up visit to see us, surprise us on valentine’s day – if a man was present or not, make sure we have food in our house, insist on calling us multiple times a day just to check, being fully “present” at every event no matter how big or small, constantly telling us she’s proud, posting and tagging us in not so good looking pictures on Facebook just because she’s again, so proud – all her friends have to see on social media, and embracing us with hugs that whisper I’m here, and I’m never going to leave.

A mother’s love is truly untapped and incomparable; her love is agape – it’s unconditional. Mother’s release a love that never has us guessing if she’s for us or not. As a woman, she understands women, and she can shower us with that kind of “I got you for better or worse love.”

The issue is, if the father is present he should be a daughter’s first love, but in the event that he is not, what does she do?  Subconsciously women collect the love that their mothers give and use that as a blueprint for how a man should treat her. Most women, if they’ve never had a strong male figure in their life end up in this “fantasy” world that men will automatically be great communicators. Most women believe, subconsciously, that the man she dates will shower her immediately in “her love language” which she learned from her mom. I say subconsciously because most of the time she’s unaware that she’s seeking that kind of far from the truth love. In most cases, men and women are totally different.  In most cases, it takes men a lot longer to fully let their guard down and love another woman unconditionally.

As far as a woman seeking a man to love her like her mother, it won’t happen, she will fall into a disappointment circle.  She will make herself easily available to men because he “seems” to be interested. She becomes too loving or falls too fast because her mother made love look easy. The truth is men don’t respond to easy, they respond to challenging women who make them work. Whether she’s sexually active with him at first or not, he knows if he will seriously pursue her. Men don’t communicate in their words, but actions. Most mothers give loving words almost all the time, so hearing something sweet automatically melts a woman, and when a mother does a sweet gesture, it is truly the icing on a cake. BUT a man must SHOW a woman that he is interested and that he has have plans for her. Many women fall victim to a man’s words subconsciously because that’s all she knows. If a father is not in a daughter’s life to SHOW her love from a male perspective, how will she discern if a man is serious about her or not?

Men are natural hunter’s, and they may not always admit it, but they savor at a woman who has an edge, or a certain demeanor about her that makes her rare. Men love a woman who is “different” which can be in any form, from the way she dresses, political views, religious views, occupation, or hobbies. Bottom line, for a man to truly shower and be serious, he needs to find something different about you. The problem is if a woman is searching for a man to treat her like her mother, she ends up disappointed, manipulated, heart-broken, choosing the wrong men by ignoring red flags, unfilled, and stuck by making the same mistake and not knowing why.

Women are God’s most prized possession, and if a little girl does not have her dad teaching her that lesson, she’s going down a complicated and long-winded journey to understanding self. A women’s confidence is all she has, and it should be protected by all forces necessary and the father should make it his priority to teach her that. Women are maternal by nature whether they chose to embrace it or not, it’s coded into our DNA.  Men are wired totally differently, thus approaching and understanding them takes more logic than emotion. If a woman finds herself in a situation of desiring a man to love her like her mother, it won’t happen. It’s disappointing that so many fathers did not show up in the emotional aspect of their daughter’s lives, if they could rightfully do so. It’s purely a shame that women had/have to learn the hard way. But if she did, she’s damn near unshakable now. She’s grown confident from experience and lessons of what being too vulnerable too fast will do.

Either way, when a woman comes fully into herself, becomes whole, and stops viewing herself as a victim, she is capable of doing amazing things with or without a man. Additionally, if she is spiritual, she becomes a woman after God’s own heart and is fully encompassed in Him – the creator, that she is a challenge solely by association with the Most High. If you’re a woman reading this know that you are valuable, deserving, and destined to receive a fulfilling love. Know that another man cannot love you like your mother, but if you stay different, confident, and a challenge, the right man will come in and love you like Christ.

~Tiffany Carson

 

Tell me, what are your thoughts on this?

Let Tay Tell It

Why Do We As Women?

Why do we as women continue to be loyal to someone who is not loyal to us?

The word loyalty means a lot when it comes to relationships and friendships because the people close to us are the ones we expect to be loyal to us no matter what. We judge people off loyalty because the way someone is loyal to another person can tell you a lot about the type of person they are. People become so stuck on making sure they are always fully loyal to their friends, family members, and significant others that they sometimes can’t tell when that person is not being fully loyal to them or they are completely blind sided when finding how just how loyal as person has been. Years of friendship ruined, family members cut off, and significant others left all over lack of loyalty; it is a serious thing.

There are so many ways to show your loyalty to someone from the way you take up for them, especially when they are not around to take up for themselves, to the way you lookout for them. If you are the type of person who is loyal to those around you that you care about then I applaud you 100% but what about the times when people have not been as loyal to you? Sometimes we give people the loyalty we expect but do not realize that everybody cannot give you that same loyalty in return which can be a hard pill to swallow. Loyalty helps to build trust and any type of relationship you have will not last if there is no trust.

I am the type of person who is very loyal to the people around me who I love and care about but there have been times where I misjudged someones loyalty to me and I had to find it out the hard way. For me, being loyal is an all or nothing type of thing so if you cannot be as loyal to me and I am to you then we have no business having any type of relationship. There have been times where I was being so loyal to a person only to find out they were not giving me the same loyalty in return.

I have found myself being loyal to a guy I was in a relationship with because in my mind being in a relationship had me thinking that a guy would automatically be loyal to me; I was wrong and I could not see how wrong I was because feelings clouded my judgement. I have even been loyal to a guy that I was not in a relationship with because again it is just the type of person I am. It took more incidents then it should, in both of those situations, for me to finally realize that I was being loyal to a guy who did not deserve one ounce of loyalty from me. To this day I regret it but things happen; you learn from them, move on, and do better next time. We have to remember that it is okay to stop giving people things when we are not given the same in return; never let your loyalty make a fool of you.

Let Tay Tell It