Today’s post is a little different. Today, for Why Do We As Women Wednesdays, I am featuring a guest post from Tiffany Carson. She has a very interesting and eye opening take on her topic of “Why do we as women desire to meet a man that treats us like our mother?“. Check it out:

Why do we as women desire to meet a man that treats us like our mother?

Growing up in a generation where if a man was/is present, he was/is a workaholic, silent or unmoved and a hard communicator. Growing up in a dynamic of an emotionally absent father or male figure made us as women naturally associate what love looked like from our mother. In her eyes, we could do no wrong, and if we did, we knew her correction was out of love. Mothers have a way of knowing our needs and how to handle our emotions effortlessly. Whether she needs to be a listening ear, make a pop-up visit to see us, surprise us on valentine’s day – if a man was present or not, make sure we have food in our house, insist on calling us multiple times a day just to check, being fully “present” at every event no matter how big or small, constantly telling us she’s proud, posting and tagging us in not so good looking pictures on Facebook just because she’s again, so proud – all her friends have to see on social media, and embracing us with hugs that whisper I’m here, and I’m never going to leave.

A mother’s love is truly untapped and incomparable; her love is agape – it’s unconditional. Mother’s release a love that never has us guessing if she’s for us or not. As a woman, she understands women, and she can shower us with that kind of “I got you for better or worse love.”

The issue is, if the father is present he should be a daughter’s first love, but in the event that he is not, what does she do?  Subconsciously women collect the love that their mothers give and use that as a blueprint for how a man should treat her. Most women, if they’ve never had a strong male figure in their life end up in this “fantasy” world that men will automatically be great communicators. Most women believe, subconsciously, that the man she dates will shower her immediately in “her love language” which she learned from her mom. I say subconsciously because most of the time she’s unaware that she’s seeking that kind of far from the truth love. In most cases, men and women are totally different.  In most cases, it takes men a lot longer to fully let their guard down and love another woman unconditionally.

As far as a woman seeking a man to love her like her mother, it won’t happen, she will fall into a disappointment circle.  She will make herself easily available to men because he “seems” to be interested. She becomes too loving or falls too fast because her mother made love look easy. The truth is men don’t respond to easy, they respond to challenging women who make them work. Whether she’s sexually active with him at first or not, he knows if he will seriously pursue her. Men don’t communicate in their words, but actions. Most mothers give loving words almost all the time, so hearing something sweet automatically melts a woman, and when a mother does a sweet gesture, it is truly the icing on a cake. BUT a man must SHOW a woman that he is interested and that he has have plans for her. Many women fall victim to a man’s words subconsciously because that’s all she knows. If a father is not in a daughter’s life to SHOW her love from a male perspective, how will she discern if a man is serious about her or not?

Men are natural hunter’s, and they may not always admit it, but they savor at a woman who has an edge, or a certain demeanor about her that makes her rare. Men love a woman who is “different” which can be in any form, from the way she dresses, political views, religious views, occupation, or hobbies. Bottom line, for a man to truly shower and be serious, he needs to find something different about you. The problem is if a woman is searching for a man to treat her like her mother, she ends up disappointed, manipulated, heart-broken, choosing the wrong men by ignoring red flags, unfilled, and stuck by making the same mistake and not knowing why.

Women are God’s most prized possession, and if a little girl does not have her dad teaching her that lesson, she’s going down a complicated and long-winded journey to understanding self. A women’s confidence is all she has, and it should be protected by all forces necessary and the father should make it his priority to teach her that. Women are maternal by nature whether they chose to embrace it or not, it’s coded into our DNA.  Men are wired totally differently, thus approaching and understanding them takes more logic than emotion. If a woman finds herself in a situation of desiring a man to love her like her mother, it won’t happen. It’s disappointing that so many fathers did not show up in the emotional aspect of their daughter’s lives, if they could rightfully do so. It’s purely a shame that women had/have to learn the hard way. But if she did, she’s damn near unshakable now. She’s grown confident from experience and lessons of what being too vulnerable too fast will do.

Either way, when a woman comes fully into herself, becomes whole, and stops viewing herself as a victim, she is capable of doing amazing things with or without a man. Additionally, if she is spiritual, she becomes a woman after God’s own heart and is fully encompassed in Him – the creator, that she is a challenge solely by association with the Most High. If you’re a woman reading this know that you are valuable, deserving, and destined to receive a fulfilling love. Know that another man cannot love you like your mother, but if you stay different, confident, and a challenge, the right man will come in and love you like Christ.

~Tiffany Carson

 

Tell me, what are your thoughts on this?

Let Tay Tell It

“Heroes represent the best of ourselves, respecting that we are human beings. A hero can be anyone from Gandhi to your classroom teacher, anyone who can show courage when faced with a problem. A hero is someone who is willing to help others in his or her best capacity” – Ricky Martin

For a good amount of hours out of the day, kids are sent to school and parents are trusting that the teachers who are in charge of their students are the best of the best at what they teach. Teachers take on more then we really know because it is more to it then just showing up to school everyday. It requires a lot of dedication, planning, and work after hours. I know quite a few people who are teachers but every now and then I will come across a teacher like Timara Davis. A Special Education teacher whose passion and love for teaching and educating shines so bright the minute you ask them anything about their job, the kids they teach, and the goals they want to accomplish to allow them to advance in their profession. I believe the their are a lot of heroes in the world who are educators and sometimes what they do and go through to make them a good educator can go unnoticed. Educators are keeping their promises everyday by doing what they have to do, to be the best teacher they can be to their students. Being able to handle being a teacher, especially a Special Education teacher, is a gift because it requires such a high level of patience. Timara was willing to answer a few questions for me, here is her story:

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Who is Timara Davis?

My name is Timara Davis, originally from Columbus, Ohio residing in Greensboro, NC. I will be relocating to Orlando Florida this summer! I am a recent grad from Western Carolina University. I am also a third year special education teacher at a local charter school in Greensboro, NC.

What school did you attend for undergrad and what did you study ?

I attended North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. I declared my dual major program on day one in Elementary and Special Education.
What school did you attend for graduate school and what did you study ? Did you work and attend graduate school?

I attended Western Carolina University studying Special Education with a focus on Mild to Moderate Disabilities. I worked as a full time teacher while attending school as a distance learning student.

Will you be obtaining your PhD? If so why, what school, and what will you be studying ?

I have been admitted to the University of Central Florida to obtain my PhD in Exceptional Education. I have not narrowed down my research area but will be using my first year to discover what my focus will be. There is so much to choose from!

 

How were you able to balance working and going to school ?

Working full time while completing a master’s program requires a great deal of discipline, organization, determination and the willingness to excel. Everyday I had to ensure that I took the time for personal development which in this case was continuing my education. Did I lose sleep? Yes! Did I feel like I wanted to quit? Yes. Did I quit? No! Did I require emotional support from other? OH YEAH! There were times I wanted to just take the week off from school but I had to remember what my ultimate goal was and I needed to excel within this program in order to reach another milestone along my journey to my ultimate goal.

When did you decide that you wanted to work with kids ?

I decided I wanted to work with children at a very young age. When I was in middle school, I was very involved with the pre-school age children. At church, I found myself always wanting to teach them something. I actually put together organized activities together for children and continued this through high school. I imagined that I would be doing dance therapy for children with disabilities but things change. All in all, I knew I wanted to specifically work with students with disabilities.

What is a typical day for you at your job?

Everyday is EXTREMELY different for me, but I always know how my day will go once I am greeted or I greet the children. I am very good at reading body language of my students. Some days can go really well and others might be completely terrible. I often realize that if one of my students have a “bad” day then for somehow, someway they ALL have a “bad” day.

What keeps you motivated ?

The students and their families keep me motivated. I am not looking for recognition of what I do with my students BUT it is nice to know that I am appreciated and that the parents are also seeing positive changes in their children. Some days I can come into work completely down but once the school day begins and it is time to educate my students then all of those feelings of doubt are nonexistent.

What is one thing you have accomplished with these kids that you are proud of?

One thing I am most proud of is that I am getting others to realize that they are capable of doing much more than others think. My students confidence increases tremendously after a few months because they have someone who constantly celebrates what they CAN do versus what they can not do.

Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years ?

In the next five years, I see myself as Timara Davis, Ph.D. I also see myself working as an advocate for students with disabilities, while conducting trainers in local education agencies on the teacher and learning of students with disabilities. There is also a possibility of me exploring the option to teach at the University level with aspirations of becoming a published writer.

What advice can you provide for someone who may be on the same or somewhat similar path as yourself?

Best advice I could give is to stay strong, surround yourself with positive vibes, always remember the end goal, and stay grounded. Always prepare yourself for any challenge that may come your way because they will come. At each step, things will get much more difficulty but try your best to stay motivated by remember what motivates you! Also, do not be afraid to rely on others when you are feeling overwhelmed. Having the support of others emotionally and spiritually will certainly allow you to feel more empowered!

In what ways have you been able to speak to others about your accomplishments?

I always share my knowledge with those who are longing to be in the very position I am in today. I still have connections with professors who I also consider mentors in the School of Education at A&T. These professors have been blessings to me in many ways. I remember all of the lessons they taught me as an undergraduate student that I am able to pass along. These very professors have asked me back to the University to speak with pre-service teachers about my experience.

What are 2-3 things you have learned working with young children ?

I have so many things about myself since working with children. I’ve learned that you really must watch what you do and say. Although I do teach my children appropriate behaviors, if I were to do something deemed inappropriate then may children may try to do the same. THEY ARE ALWAYS WATCHING. My students even begin speaking like me, picking up on my many quotes or phrases.

I also learned that it is okay to relax and laugh a little. Sometimes we as adults just take things too seriously. Working with my students has allowed me to laugh almost to tears some days. We laugh together and it makes me happy to see them happy!

What are some things that you have achieved that make you proud ?

I am glad to have nearly built a department that was deemed unorganized and/or unimportant. In my short three years, I have been able to help others understand the importance of how we educate our students with disabilities. I feel as though the people around me have certainly learned a great deal of things about the students they teach daily who live with exceptionalities.

How would you define success ?

I would describe success as always working to obtain your goals whether the goals are short term or long term. Any accomplishment should be recognized because it was done with a purpose!

 

Let Tay Tell It